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Conspiracy theory: Boat trailer lights

August 18, 2017
By Capt. GEORGE TUNISON ( , Cape Coral Daily Breeze

As American society descends into chaos and street violence over statues depicting our history (a basic assault on all of American culture would be more accurate) one wonders how many statues would remain if we took down any statue that is offensive to anyone?

Where does it stop? Who decides what's offensive? What group? Yours? Mine? The anti-Christmas Tree people? No fishing/hunting/boating/private gun ownership zealots?

One thing for sure, the last 10 years shows us it's never enough. Never has, and never will be.

Article Photos

Capt. George Tunison

All sound like a tin hat conspiracy? To many I'm sure it does, but it doesn't matter. The bottom line is I'm right, you're wrong, and I'm coming for you and your statues!

I have uncovered another huge conspiracy of worldwide proportions aimed at boaters, specifically those poor souls like me that have to trailer.

Here goes. There is a vast conspiracy among those that make trailer lights. I believe that trailer light manufacturers can make a trailer light that will last more than six months. I'm convinced of it. We have little robot cars still patrolling Mars years after they should have used up their predicted service life.

The available technology is so advanced yet we remain in the 14th century when it comes to trailer lighting and being legal as you pull your pride and joy down the interstate.

They have them locked away in vaults. Perfected years ago, but we will never see them.

They know we have to have them, no matter what. Insidious.

Ever picked up a brand new boat trailer combo with nice bright lights all around? All lights still working? Of course not. Six weeks tops?

I recently bought a new small trailer. Brought it home and was backing in the drive when the neighbor yelled out, "You've got a light out on your trailer!"

First they told us, "The bulb is very hot so backing the trailer in the water might cause a burnt bulb. Immersion in salt water can corrode contacts and wire connections."

I'm supposed to give the trailer a 30-minute cool down before launching and not fish in salt water?

That's all behind us now. The incandescent bulb is history. Great strides finally have been made in trailer lighting technology. LEDs are lighting the way.

Yes, no more problems as it says right on the light, LEDs will last 20, 000 hours. Made in China.

The trailering community is saved. No more replacing 79-cent bulbs or bad sockets or worse, receiving a ticket from one of the 35 fine officers that patrol Matlacha, Florida's safest town.

I went right out and bought a new set for my new and old boat trailers. Nearly $200, but I kept thinking, no more tickets no more replacing bulbs. Somehow that comforted me financially as I drove home.

It was near sundown when I finished the installations. I hit the lights on the old truck and the back of the boat glowed bright red.

I ran to the back of the trailer and soaked in the rich bright LED red glow. 20,000 hours of freedom!

Each light contained eight individual LEDs in a sealed plastic enclosure. I sealed all wire connections with shrink tubing covered in silicone.

I stood there very satisfied with a job well done.

The next night I was pulling into the drive when the neighbor waved. I rolled down the window as he walked over to chat. "Got a trailer light half out."

I didn't even want to look. Sure enough, inside my sealed 20,000 hour, $89 light, four of the eight little LEDs where gone. Sealed, as in non-replaceable. The other trailer lights, same issue in eight days.

Two trailers, both with new, partly working, hi-tech, expensive lights.

Has to be a conspiracy.

Capt. George Tunison is a Cape Coral resident fishing guide. Contact him at 239-440-1621 or



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